Watching Jonathon Ross on Friday night has reminded me why I don't like him.I first saw him in Soho, London, in 1982. Strangely, I needed underpants because I was catching a plane the next morning to Delhi and hadn't had time to pick up a pair in Glasgow before I left. Why I was in Soho, I can't remember, except that 8.00 in the evening left very few options for shopping open. I stopped at a stall and an accommodating lady smiled as she showed me packets of colourful underwear when I heard this nasal voice. Turning around, there was JR walking in that hunched commodo lizard way he has, jabbering on about the peephole sex and the naked breasts to be enjoyed in the area. Walking backwards with a camera on his shoulder was a cameraman, shooting for some sleazy show that I still associate with this predatory, cuntstruck, puerile mutton head . I bought the pants and left the scene.
His show follows a predictable formula. Smirking like a schoolboy, JR has a propensity to hit a nerve. Consider what the naughty boy said: When interviewing David Cameron in 2006, JR asked him,
"Did you or did you not have a wank thinking of Margaret Thatcher?" Repeat showings of the interview were banned, although the BBC were quite proud of the interview because of the publicity and the daring of JR for asking this question of a questionable heterosexual politician. Yes, David has children but take a good look. He's almost as foppish as JR.
Then he made a joke about Heather Mills. Here's what the creep did:
He called Heather a "fucking liar" and said he "wouldn't be surprised if we found out she's actually got two legs." Christ, what is this man like? Yes, the media was on Paul McCartney's side during their controversial divorce, but did this masturbator have to be seen on the band wagon? Could he not have had some sympathy for the one-legged people of the earth by at least not making her the butt of his jokes. She should have bashed him over the head with her prosthetic limb.
Then there was his smug remark about his worth: JR joked at the 2007 comedy awards that he was "worth 1,000 BBC journalists" at a time when the company was thinking about discarding 2000 jobs. The comments were deemed "obscene" by the General Secretary of the National Union of Journalists.
The last cuntish prank along with Russel Brandt involved leaving messages on Andrew Sachs' answer phone about shagging his granddaughter. RB resigned from the BBC and JR was suspended for 12-weeks without pay. Everybody likes AS and remember fondly his appearances in Faulty Towers and other productions. His granddaughter, Georgina Baillie is now known as being a member of the Burlesque dance group Satanic Sluts Extreme. (Ehm, maybe they did shag her, but that's not the point.)
Now, JR has this extremely tedious show on Radio 2 on a Saturday morning for a hellish 3 fucking hours filled with his inane comments. I mean, he's interviewing Jack Dee and Stephen Berkoff and his incompetency is glaringly obvious. He's got bugger all to say which becomes evident as he stutters his way through the show.
His show follows a pattern evident in the US, although who came up with the idea first, I don't know. Three singers and a drummer introduce a guest with barber shop harmonies. The guests can be seen on a screen before they actually appear. Did I see this technique on some other show where a trailer park mom is harping on about her wayward daughter who prostitutes herself around the town, shaking her head backstage and on a split screen for the viewers to see and judge?
I have a theory, when the hands go up to the faces of both the guest and the presenter, there is an almost palpable trough into which the conversation falls. Time to switch off.
One redeeming fact: his couch from the Friday show is now up for auction to raise money for Red Nose Day. So should you want a black Boss Italian leather sofa having been impressed with the arses of Tom Cruise, Meryl Streep and Tom Hanks,put a bid in now and get some good out of JR.
